Recently I feel like I’m on an emotional roller coaster that is very deep underground and only comes to the surface every so often. I’m confused, worried, paranoid and scared about the same thing that has plagued most of my near relationships in my adult life… The fear of rejection, not being good enough for someone to stick around longer then a short time and being second best to a past/future suitor. When it comes to having strong feelings for the opposite sex I feel like I have been beaten and bloodied until I can no longer stand anymore. At this moment in time I am trying to get through another emotional beating which is proving to be very hard because I can see where it is going to end… Like it has always ended… Me being hurt and them ending up back with the person they really want to be with.
me: *dials 911*
operator: hello 911, what’s your emergency?
me: i need someone to cuddle with, rub my back, and play with my hair
operator: someone is on their way, please stay calm